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| I was in the Barnes and Noble cafe the other night with some books to read. As I was going inside I noticed a small group of five or six students gathered around who I assumed was a minister-he had a bible. I looked around and the only table available was directly beside them. I was thinking, out of all the tables, the only one to read at is right by a bible study. Of course, I crossed myself and sat down. I pulled out a book to begin reading but I was completely distracted as they were discussing very heatedly about various topics which were all centered on one guy at the end of their table. So, I came to see that it wasn't a bible study rather an argument. Right away I thought, "Oh, goodie, little high schoolers, crazy college kooks and a "hip" yet middle-aged minister trying to convert another "lost soul." Yet, that quickly changed also (by the way, they must have known I was listening, I mean, who reads a book while not even looking at the pages?).
Anyway, as the conversation (argument) went on, I sort-of connected the dots, so to speak, as to how their little get-together occurred. You see, the "lost soul" was really the only one arguing, asking "why" intently after each bible verse was read or comment was made by one in the audience of students. He was trying to disprove them all, and rationalize the divine into petty words and contradictions with his high-sounding vocabulary. Plus, it was a little easy to figure out what was going on because eventually he got up to buy himself a cup of coffee while two girls explained to the rest of the group what the arguer's intentions are; i was right. He did seem fed up with Christ, the bible, whatever, he was out to make a case against it all. When he got back with his coffee and sat down the minister read to him Hebrews 11:6, "without faith it is impossible to please God" and immediately he interrupted "why?!" Thus beginning his high-sounding debate skills again. I suppose the guys and girls in the group weren't giving him good-enough answers so he attacked them even more. I felt bad so I left. Plus, I was annoyed and just wanted to read. What little peace there is at such a loud hang-out was only outside. Even away from them my mind still seemed distracted. I asked myself again and again why didn't I interject? I just didn't have the words in the moment to say. Maybe it wouldn't have been right to say anything. I just went home.
I decided I was going to pray for him because I was bitter once, and I hope that it was because of someone's prayer that God graciously awaited me to quit being an ass. Funny enough, I was showering when the words hit me (like my friend who also thinks deep while showering). It became so clear what I wanted to say. I guess my anger kept me from thinking clearly, or the desire to show him up awakened pride in me that blinded me. Whatever it was, here is what I thought of:
We are a sinful people; sinful because we leave the love of God and try to replace it with a lesser "love" which is the love of self. The love of self leads us to fill our "flesh's" appetites and so we feed them without any consideration to the harm that it does to our souls. It truly is a sad thing because of the image in which we are created is an image of love, and relation; an image that doesn't feed ones self but shares love.
In one of his epistles John tells us a very simple, yet deeply complex statement, "God is love." If you understand love, you understand that love only exists when it is shared, that's why anything else is a counterfeit. Unfortunately though, we as a sinful people come from a long line of sinful people who have made poor choices, even rejecting their Creator God. But, we have always had the choice.
Since the entire Kosmon has entered into a new age, so to speak, because of God becoming flesh (and all that, that means) dying, and resurrecting, conquering all that it is to be a frail human being we have the choice to change our way and to respond to the Way; the Way of the Trinity. St. Paul tells us in Romans that we all instinctively know God's attributes so there is no way we can justify our rejection of him. We can respond to that instinct, that curiosity. And even deeper than mere curiosity we can respond to our souls yearning for God. That, is an act of faith! In my opinion, the desire to rationalize God comes from a root of either disbelief, or arrogance; as if man can rationalize it's Creator. On the other hand, coming to God, responding to our curiosity is an act of faith, and faith takes humility. Maybe that's why it is "pleasing" to God, we have to quit being arrogant, thinking we can solve God! It is humbling to admit that God is God and you are not. | | |
| At night I come to my computer and do my routine checks: facebook, youtube video updates by the liberalviewer and orthodox radio. I also eat pistachios. Two of these things are challenging and one is entertaining. If you know me, you probably did not guess right; yes, I said "not." I am a lot of things to different people; I am myself before God. There is not a single thing that I keep hidden that he does not know, or understand (which is most encouraging). To some, I am a fickle person void of rational thought or absolute belief. To others I am a protestant "anti-religion" type that believes in American Libertarian values. None of it's really true. I have my reasons for why I say and do as I do, often they're misunderstood or I simply don't express it. It's not that I don't have conservative religious beliefs (I'm using 'conservative' anti-politically) or that I don't think human beings were designed to live outside of forceful domination, it's that there is an intricate balance to all these things with which I must be sensitive to finding and fostering.
I'm not a die-hard american libertarian really, in fact it would be antithetical to what I believe as a christian. American libertarianism argues for consumer capitalism. I don't. There are huge costs to consumer capitalism that are ignored or justified. Materialism alone I can't stand, nor stand for therefore I am not an american libertarian capitalist. I am not a protestant because I'm not protesting anything else except protestantism. Again, it all goes to balance. But not balance in the sense of 'all things for me' in sort-of a universalist ideal, but more or less being intuitive and looking beyond the surface.
I can't label myself or try to fit into political and religious categories. It is not what I feel I should be doing, or even care about in the slightest. I am an image-bearing creature of the Creator and anything else other than denying my ego and living as an agent of new creation right now is wasteful, and heretical.
Ananthema?
In the words of Ren and Stimpy, go suck an egg.
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| "Smart people are slobs." -- I live with a very interesting family member. He's opinionated, but not arrogantly opinionated. He confidently believes that people, no matter age, location, etc., should be stylish. Not particularly clothing, but your walk, your words, your appearance in general should be a celebration of sorts of the creativity of the human spirit and mind.
If you walk with your head down, hair undone, wearing clothes of rags, then my cousin's feet are set on fire. I see why he thinks the way he does. People can sometimes feel like they have to be less of themselves so that other people won't think they're arrogant, or immodest. Even extreme at times, people will refrain from any sort of confident walk in life to sort of lament with less fortunate people. That is highly understandable, but it should not dictate you. People want to learn how to be themselves, but often are either too afraid or don't have someone who is secure with their own walk to help motivate them to be more secure. And I also see the other point-of-view. Clothes, appearance, style...these are all not as important as family, friends, and people in general. Yet it doesn't take away from just enjoying creativity.
Now, I don't think there is a "style" to knowledge or your words. Unless you're a word-fashion expert, but I don't think that exists. That might not even make sense at all. Oh well, to my point. Kids complain about school. High school mostly, and that is without doubt. You're forced to go seven hours a day, listen to often boring teachers, sometimes do a lot of busy work and not really engage or be engaged in what you're learning. There are many wrong things with the current school system, but what can you do? Parent's should engage with their children more. On a side note, people shouldn't rely on the government to educate and intellectualize their children. They need a lot of parental motivation. Besides that, you should learn all you can. Whatever grabs you, you should give it all you got. I love language, politics, and religion. That's exactly why I don't passionately study other subjects. I've got to know what I like, and then stick with it. Not saying that one day I want to sit in coffee shops, libraries, and other "intellectual" places to display some knowledge about whatever, but that I like what I like, I study it, and I can pass it on to others interested in the same.
Of course, however you appear reflects who you are inside. I think the way I look is sometimes kind of sad-looking but it mostly stems from weak self-esteem, timidity, and other synonymous things. I'm beginning to believe that all people have creativity, being that they are a part of an on-going creation. What I would like to avoid in saying all this is some sort of existential angst, or condone hedonism. I'm not a pleasure-seeker, nor am I a believer that this world is some lolly-pop feel good place. I just think that joy is often overlooked in so many situations. Maybe it's easy for me to say. I sometimes think so. But for all the different peoples that I've met, it seems inherent in people to be alive, creative, joyful.
My cousin was mostly talking about my uncle and I in his simple statement, "smart people are slobs." (I don't personally think myself the brightest person in the world, but I think that's his humble way of saying he knows he's not the smartest guy in the world, but he's got street smarts though) I guess he basically means what I tried to sum up, that no matter who you are, you can't deny that you're a creative being with lots of potential. Wow, maybe I'm digging too deep into what he said, but nah. You just don't know him, or the real context of what he was saying. So this blog in my opinion rules...in my own world.
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| "Science has failed to recognize the single most potent element of human existence is faith."
During the times that I quit worrying about petty things that sometimes weigh me down I think about what it is to be human, and I find myself being less of one all the time. I go with the flow of things. I sometimes don't think about what I'm eating, the chemicals and such, what I'm watching and why even wasting time watching it, and how I find it fun to break into debates with people pertaining to God or the like. Is it meaningless to debate biblical issues all the time? To be apologetic? I think it is. Talk and talk, but no work is done.
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| The more I choose to ponder, which often is very aimless, the less clear my thoughts become. If I take life one moment at a time I don't allow myself to believe I'm controlling things. When that happens thoughts become clear. In a way, if I want clear thoughts I have to quit thinking so much. I know I'm being vague, so here is what I'm pretty much talking about:
I wake up often and wonder why I am in college. Is it the degree to merely have options? Is it the degree, to pursue another degree in grad. school only to find afterward that I chose a different profession? Do I even want a profession? See, now that really leads me into confusion and confusion leads me into unmotivated, and often very vegetable like state. There is something very wrong with the way I think, and with the way I feel about life. For example, in this moment at 7:30 in the morning I'm worried about classes. Worried about staying caught up and doing well. I'm stressed about work and finding time to do homework later in a house that has every t.v. turned on, every computer blaring music and showing wasteful youtube videos with re-runs of family guy. Just every distraction possible. It makes me want to be alone. And actually have time to let my thoughts clear.
On another note I'm currently reading Doctor Faustus. It's interesting. For a bit of background on this it is in any British literature book but if you don't have that and don't know the play here: It's about a man who is well studied in theology and medicine and whatever else. He becomes dissatisfied with it all because he thinks he's already mastered it. He becomes very seduced by ''forbidden knowledge'' and black magic and such. So he basically thinks he can conjure up Mephostophilis, a servant of Lucifer, and make him pretty much his slave. Of course, anyone would know that this ''control'' is a facade. It keeps him busy thinking he is in control when really he's already sold over his soul and it is he that is being controlled.
Sometimes I see how ''working through the system'' is a great way to influence many people. Whichever system you interpret that as, it holds truth. What I don't think it means though is selling yourself and looking like the system. I'm being vague again, but this time I want to.
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